Maioush

Dance like no one is watching, Blog like no one is reading

Tattoo of the year.. LOL!

I had to post this guys, I mean seriously.. I have to share the laugh 😀

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

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A Good Wife Always Knows Her Place

Click on the picture for a good laugh 😀
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Joke of the Day….

A guy was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before.“But it ended,” he said, “when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees.”“What did she say?” asked the friend.The husband replied, “She said, ‘Come out from under that bed, you coward!’”

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It’s Good To Be A Woman (Humor)

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

3. Taxis stop for us.

4. We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.

6. We don’t have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.

7. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.

8. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

9. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

10. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.

11. We will never regret piercing our ears.

12. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

13. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren’t listening anyway.

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Birthday Wish (Humor)

 I heard this story long long time ago, and for some reason I remembered it tonight, well let me admit.. I can’t sleep and I need to write something funny, because my mind is going 1000mph and where else can I go but here 🙂

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park.

What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was!

Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down.

Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, Pepsi, and M&Ms.

What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

He leaned over and lovingly, asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he’s still gonna get it wrong.

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What Men Really Mean (Humor)

1. “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of soda cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.”
2. “It’s a guy thing.” Really means…. “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
3. “Can I help with dinner?” Really means…. “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
4. “Uh huh,” “Sure, honey,” or “Yes, dear.” Really mean…. Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response like Pavlov’s dog drooling.
5. “Good idea.” Really means…. “It’ll never work. And I’ll spend the rest of the day gloating.”
6. “Have you lost weight?” Really means…. “I’ve just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill.”
7. “It would take too long to explain.” Really means…. “I have no idea how it works.”
8. “I’m getting more exercise lately.” Really means…. “The batteries in the remote are dead.”
9. “We’re going to be late.” Really means…. “Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”
10. “Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard.” Really means…. “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
11. “That’s interesting, dear.” Really means…. “Are you still talking?”
12. “Honey, we don’t need material things to prove our love.” Really means…. “I forgot our anniversary again.”
13. “It’s a really good movie.” Really means…. “It’s got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear.”
14. “That’s women’s work.” Really means…. “It’s difficult, dirty, and thankless.”
15. “Go ask your mother.” Really means…. “I am incapable of making a decision.”
16. “You know how bad my memory is.” Really means…. “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”
17. “I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses.” Really means…. “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
18. “Football is a man’s game.” Really means…. “Women are generally too smart to play it.”
19. “I do help around the house.” Really means…. “I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket.”
20. “Hey, I’ve got my reasons for what I’m doing.” Really means…. “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”
21. “I can’t find it.” Really means…. “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
22. “What did I do this time?” Really means…. “What did you catch me at?”
23. “She’s one of those rabid feminists.” Really means…. “She refused to make my coffee.”
24. “No, I left plenty of gas in the car.” Really means…. “You may actually get it to start.”
25. “I heard you.” Really means…. “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”
26. “You know I could never love anyone else.” Really means…. “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
27. “You look terrific.” Really means…. “Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”
28. “I brought you a present.” Really means…. “It was free ice scraper night at the ball game.”
29. “I missed you.” Really means…. “I can’t find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper.”
30. “I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are.” Really means…. “No one will ever see us alive again.”
31. “We share the housework.” Really means…. “I make the messes, she cleans them up.”
32. “This relationship is getting too serious.” Really means…. “I like you more than my car.”
33. “Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful.” Really means…. “Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?”
34. “I don’t need to read the instructions.” Really means…. “I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help.”
35. “I’ll fix the garbage disposal later.” Really means…. “If I wait long enough you’ll get frustrated and buy a new one.”
36. “I broke up with her.” Really means…. “She dumped me.”
37. “I’ll take you to a fancy restaurant.” Really means…. “Someplace that doesn’t have a drive-thru window.”

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If Men Got Pregnant (Humor)

1. Maternity leave would last two years….with full pay.

2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.

3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem.

5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.

6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.

7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.

8. They wouldn’t think twins were so cute.

9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.

10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.

11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.

12. They’d stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.

13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entrees.

14. Women would rule the world.

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Facts About Men (Humor)

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

3. Men are very confident people. My brother is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from the living room, and if they’re really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

4. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

5. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. Women should sleep with one under the pillow, instead of a gun.

6. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.

7. All men hate to hear “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

8. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

9. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.

11. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say “Oh my, I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”

12. Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

13. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

14. If you’re dating a man who you think might be “Mr. Right,” if he  a) got older , b) got a new job , c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

15. No man is charming all of the time. Even George Clooney is on record saying he wished he could be George Clooney.

16. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

17. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

18. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

19. Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”

20. If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget… he didn’t lose your number… he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.

21. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you… I want to marry you… I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.

22. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

23. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause – you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

24. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

25. That’s why men need instant replays in sports. They’ve already forgotten what happened.

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Qwaider & Sweetest Memories joined blogspot????

 LOL!! You keep complaining about them, you keep telling everybody that they suck, and you end up joining them?? Lah lah lah 😀

Amman changed so many things in you Q, you are not the man we know any more, I’m disappointed sara7a!

Click to enlarge

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Listen man, I’m kidding mesh tsade2, my laptop went crazy and I got this when I opened your blog 🙂

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saba7kom ward :)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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