As we talked in Part 1 how men are really simple to deal with, but they are diffenetly now stupid, I’ll go int his part about chemistry and blaming men.
Psychologically, all our old words and body language together are our “defense system.” They’re there to defend us against threats and pain – but we use them all the time! We use them from the moment we lay eyes on a man, even before he opens his mouth!
We behave as though we’re in trouble, or not good enough, or about to be hurt – before we even know much at all about the man!
This is where Chemistry comes in.
If the chemistry is strong enough, we’ll sort of sail through the first few months of dating. He won’t pay too much attention to our defenses, even if they irritate him. He’ll pretend to listen while we talk and apologize for misreading our signals.
But then, sooner or later, the chemistry fades a little and the relationship gets real. All our defenses that have kept us from truly connecting with him get even stronger – now we can feel the tension. We can feel the distance between us. We can feel how he’s pulling away.
And we blame him.
And we say – “I should have known he was a jerk.”
And then your friends support the “he’s a jerk” labelling because they don’t know, anymore than you did, how it all really happened.
We women are all willing to say “I’m not pretty enough,” or “I’m not good enough.” We’re willing to put ourselves down for who we are (and really hurt ourselves).
And beating ourselves up doesn’t help. In fact, it lowers our self-confidence, makes us feel angry about men, and makes things worse.
What does help is to really look at ways we can do things differently.
And sometimes, doing things differently takes different relationship skills.
Real spontaneity and naturalness – Authenticity is very, very attractive to men. Because it communicates CONFIDENCE in ourselves.
But most of the time, our old words and our old patterns actually are telling men, from the moment they talk with us, that we have absolutely NO confidence in ourselves!