Maioush

Dance like no one is watching, Blog like no one is reading

What A Man Really Wants…

Though primarily addressed to the women, most men who happen to feel drawn to read this post will find themselves doing so with a touch of curiosity. Of course, they think they already know what a man wants and are curious as to whether I am going to say something different or not. They think a man wants a good looking woman. Foremost, last and always. As a woman, we all know men are from a different planet, what a man is really looking for is something much deeper than that. He is wanting something to reassure him that he is an alright guy, that he is an okay person, that he is worth something.

In short, what a man really wants is validation.

He seeks this in many ways, a primary vehicle of which is his relationship with women. Something instinctive tells him that she can make him alright. Whether it be by how pretty a woman he can keep at his side, or by the scorecard of how many women he has vanquished in some romantic fashion, he sometimes goes through an entire lifetime attempting to feel good about himself through having relationships with women.

In the classic movie taken from the play Harvey, with Jimmy Stewart, there is a scene in which a very rigid psychiatrist, Dr. Willie Chumley, begins to let down his emotional defenses and reveal his true desires in life. He said if his fondest wish were to come true, it would be to just lie in his comfortable chair for hours and have some compassionate female simply rubbing his head, saying over and over, “Poor boy!”

The humor in the character is the fact that there is a little bit of Dr. Chumley in every man. Down deep he wants to be unconditionally loved just like a little boy by a perfect, loving mother.

Pride, of course, causes that vulnerability to be hidden as a man grows from childhood into manhood. First it is hidden from others and then at last it is hidden from himself, but it is still there waiting to be discovered.

Meanwhile, man begins to seek some sort of gratification as a substitute for this missing unconditional love from a source he can look up to, and he usually turns to those substitutes that never quite fill him up, emotionally speaking. There is always something lacking, or as the Rolling Stones have said and capitalized on, he “can’t get no satisfaction.”

But the fact remains, he is vulnerable, very vulnerable. And for that wise woman who understands this it provides an opening to secure the man of her choice like spearing fish in a barrel!

You see, most men going around trying to sport a good looking woman on their arm, or keeping lists of their female conquests, for one reason and one reason alone: It gives them a sense of validation and being worth something, and that is a feeling they desperately feel the need for.

The only problem is, this kind of validation is temporary and fleeting and, like a drug or alcohol, only leaves him feeling empty and in need of another fix as soon as a little time has gone by.

Man’s greatest vulnerability is not a physical need, but a psychological one. It is the need to be loved, but not just loved by anyone – to be loved by someone he senses is emotionally independent and strong. This kind of love is validating and worthwhile.

A man may think he needs a bimbo by his side to show off to the other guys, but in his heart he knows he’s perpetrating a fraud. She may help him make the other guys jealous, evoking a kind of prideful satisfaction in one way on his part, but in his heart he knows she’s not what he really wants or needs. He’s compromised for this because he’s lacking the real thing he wants.

No, what a man really wants is a woman who loves him in spite of himself, but won’t put up with his bull.

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Filed under: Thoughts

15 Responses

  1. Tamara says:

    you know maioush, I think this is a human need, to feel we are valuable and loved. this works on men I’ll bet and on women ! no ?

  2. Isam says:

    wala fhemet eshe :S must be the flu 😦 maybe i’ll read it agian when i am feeling better …

  3. bakkouz says:

    Very well said, and even though i think this is a mutual human need, I do agree that Males may need it more, since they are expected to give and be the take carers of the family and the affairs, and since the beginning of time when men went out hunting and were in charge of the chores, they need gratification and acknowledgment, they need to feel appreciated 🙂

  4. unknown says:

    that need in men u r talking about is also applicable on women, both man and woman need to complete each other.
    وعلى راي كاظم الساهر يبدو انك المستبدة

  5. tiger says:

    The best post for u ever hats off keep it going:)

    it seems ur time that u spent with those lovely nagging naughty twins gave u a real idea what a man wants 😛

  6. tiger says:

    for most of the commenters who says it goes both ways..

    yes guys it does go both ways but in diffrent ways… if u look at it ironically:

    the man looks to his mothers passion and mercy in his love.
    the women looks to her father passion ,understanding and realbility in her love.

    thats the main diffrence and thats all..once the father in the guy and the mother in the girl matches the requirements it forms the kind of what we call a balanced equibllerm relationship in other words everyone is happy:)

  7. Asoom says:

    I was expecting a whole bunch of men to be commenting and telling you that you’re wrong, I guess I’m the misguided retarded one LOOOOL

    As soon as Ramadan over I’ll start dispensing the knowledge I gained from all of the glamour, elle, and cosmopolitan (good mag btw), stanno 3alay shway! Right now I’m to get through the Qur’an, I alternate between cosmo and Qur’an, allah yihdeeni

  8. Maher says:

    Ana ma3 Isam.. ma fhemet eshe 😛

    well..for me, what do i want from Woman? her dad’s money and her car! JUST KIDDIN! 😛

    for me, it revolves about two subjects…Love & Respect!

  9. Maioush says:

    Tamara:
    I agree, it goes both ways, BUT in a very different way, women don’t seek for satisfaction the same way as men,.. she mainly look for love and security more that the other things.

    Isam:
    It’s ok man.. baseeta

    Bakouz:
    Males do need more and look for it more, and yes, women expect them to give, that’s why she needs to understand how to treat that little boy in him an able to keep him happy.

    Unknown:
    Mostabeddah!! Ana?? Allah ysam7ak 🙂

    Tiger:
    First of all.. thank you man 🙂 ..
    LOL!!! The little ones made me realize a lot of things walahi.
    And yes!! Thank you very much, u proved y point by saying that.

    Asoom:
    We’ll be waiting for your knowledge ya amar 😀 .. ya3teeki el 3afye, Ramdan Is a busy month walahi.

    Maher:
    Eash ostak 3alai enta o 3esam!!
    Love and respect are basics, we all know that, we all look for it the same way 🙂

  10. Hani Obaid says:

    Maioush these things aren’t mutually exclusive, I can want a good looking woman who also loves me unconditionally. I wouldn’t want a bimbo in either case, and my friends wouldn’t even be part of the equation.

    Some think of it in that we (both men and women) are created safe and happy in our mother’s womb, and go into shock when we come out and face the music. Then we spend the rest of our lives seeking that same level of peace.

  11. very well said Maioush, i agree with u on many points here…and i think it’s applicable to both men and women…however from what i see and from the few experience i’ve been through..i saw how guys still have this little baby inside them…the one who needs love and support all the time…to be loved unconditionally regardless of his mistakes..they kind of seek a motherly kind of love with the girls they fall in love with too…they need to feel useful too…they love it when they feel they can do things for u and solve some problems…

    sometimes i feel that they are selfish little creatures too…yes they love u..but they take a lot more than what they give

    sigh

  12. sel3 says:

    nice post Maioush, really nice and well said.
    بدي إمي
    😀

  13. Jumana says:

    I agree as a general rule…but people deffer.
    great post Mioush…I love it and love the way you discussed it.

  14. Nadhirah says:

    I agree half of the post but u knw what my man almost alots of them(uncountable)said they love me for a kind-hearted one. But guess what,Allah shows me everything about what n where they did anything wrong to me.For e.g. they(my ex-es)did anything scandalous behind my back n i saw it with my two eyes.When i called n asked,he told himself it wasnt him.Then again the next few days i caught him cheating again.I comfront him with the girl he’s with.At first,he wont admit it then the girl shows confuse looking face then my ex explain it,it was his new gf to be.Shes pretty though.So i’ve went alot of these type of men many times,sum who act like he’s an ulama-look-alike but still he’s cheating on me.Mostly the men i went in love with does not go for the sincere of the women’s heart but for the ladies beauty n the sexual desire.N now i end up being single n happy.I m still a virgin n in my 30s.

  15. Nadhirah says:

    By the way,im not too bad looking,i got a fair skin n i come from a rich n noble family,i could a good food,im polite towards ppl n im not even bother about my man status,rich or not,ugly or not as long as he’s behaving eventho if he used to be a bad guy but behaving good later.As long he’s faithful to 1 lover i dont mind he’s hanging with his friend just this..be good to me n my family n relatives n friends too n stick to one a.k.a thats me.Thank Q.Oh 1 more thing,he must be honest n if could know how to joke eventhough joking is not necessary to me.^^

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