I’m not in a normal situation; something is wrong with me, so please t7amalooni while thinking loud in this post, I’m technically talking to myself today, trying to figure out what’s in my head.
For a week or so I’m not as patience as before, seriously!!! I’m known as the most patience person on planet earth, but at this point I don’t really know what to do.
Things are not working the way I want it to be, I’m trying to do something for almost 2 months now, but still no results, I started to freak out!!! Is it me? I don’t understand, am I doing something wrong? Seriously this matter is bothering me so much; it’s affecting everything I do, including my attitude with people!!
It’s not like I feel down or anything I’m not depressed, I mean I’m fine, actually I’ve been staying over at my uncle’s house with the twins, I’m having so much fun taking care of them, there are so cute mshalla, but I don’t know… I still feel something is missing, something is wrong, I feel like there is a heavy rock on my chest, even when I’m not thinking about it, walahi it even hurts when I laugh, I’m sure that I’m perfectly healthy, I just had my check up done, and doctor said everything is great, the results came out super, he was concerned about my weight (I’ve been loosing so much weight lately) but my blood test was very good, my blood pressure and blood sugar are so good, so it’s not physical.. lakan mali????
I get irritated easily, I cry easily, I’ve never been like that, people used to say anything you can imagine to me, and I’m totally fine, it’s not that I don’t care, bel3aks, I care a lot, and that’s why I don’t say anything, as long as they are happy, I learned through my life how to understand people, and treat them the way they want to be treated, as they say in Arabic (elli ma beeji ma3ak ta3a ma3o), that’s me, that’s the Mai I know.
But there is this new Mai, and I don’t like her at all, she has to leave me alone, I want her to take her stupid rock and leave, she is weak, panicky, silly, and not wise at all, I hate her!!!
You know what, that’s my next project, getting rid of this girl who is trying to take over me for the last couple of weeks, khalas Mai, enough is enough, get back to yourself, stop the stupidity, and go back to the sane Mai, I like that girl much more, and first step is to start praying regularly, I need to connect with god again, he is the only one who can help me, there is no better timing than this, since it’s gonna be Ramdan on Thursday (Ramdan mubarak to all of you, and allah yet2abbal ta3etkom).